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to the inner thoughts of me (Trish)! What's in my head and in my heart -- written out.
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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Waiting on me....

I hate to admit it but I think by far I’m the most indecisive person I know. It seems like on any decision that needs to be made I struggle to make it…..not that the decisions themselves are hard, but because I’m afraid of making the wrong one. I’ll just be honest here…I have absolutely no self-esteem. Don’t ask me to evaluate myself – my answers would not please you, and certainly they wouldn’t please my Savior. I know I’m made in his image – but I look through a distorted mirror. So as you can tell I struggle. Today though I was thinking about decisions that I need to make in my life and I still have so much fear and anxiety over those decisions that I just can’t make them.

I won’t indulge on those decisions that need to be made now but I’ll tell you that it doesn’t matter what decision I’m asked to make – I struggle. Something as simple as my sister asking me what restaurant I would like to eat at when we go to lunch together…I always tell her, it doesn’t matter, which a lot of times she follows with two or three choices, guess what, you guessed it, I still can’t decide then. My reasons, she’s pregnant and what if I choose a restaurant that she doesn’t really want to eat at, or what if she gets sick because she ate something that didn’t set right on her stomach.

So even on some important decisions that need to be made in my life I really struggle with knowing what to do. I know that I pray about them and trust God to help me make the right decisions but as my dad and I discussed recently, I’m God’s creation and He gave me a free will and He’s waiting on me to make the decision and then He will help and see me through it.

So why can’t I get that through my head….why can’t I make the decisions that I need to? Anyone with any advice on this…..
How is your decision making skills?

The inner thoughts keep on screaming!

1 comment:

Katherine said...

Sometimes it's not that there is only one "perfect" decision, but that God is helping you as you decide the "best one for your situation" at the time. Hang in there... walk forward.... one step at a time. God will help you as you decide.