Frustrating now....

So everybody is always talking about how we should be living in the "now", living for today! Yes I know that's what Im supposed to be doing, but what happens when your "now" is so frustrating you'd like to escape to some place far away and have a do-over day!

I can honestly say that over the last few months of my life I have had more than my share of do-over day wishes. I know most will not agree with me on the fact that I should want that but hey your not living my life and going through what I have been and am still going through, I think that my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, understands that somedays, life is just life and it's a "frustrating now" and I want a "happy now" a "peaceful now" a "sanity now". Not to much to ask for is it? Maybe, maybe that's the key is that I'm not realistic in how I feel my life should be going. but I guess when you have to leave your church (of 13 years), lose your job (of 3 years) and have several other "big issues" happen all within 3 weeks of each other, reality is the last place you want to be, although I have been living it for 6 + months now.

I get up and I face each day with the hopes and thoughts and actions that this day is going to be a better day than yesterday, and for the most part that is generally what happens. Then there are my days where I have been for the last several weeks with writer's block so bad that I couldn't even pick out a song to send to my music club and forget blogging, I done good to be able to write my name somedays, that's just the kind of writer's block I was under in my "frustrating now".

However, today feels like a new day! It feels like a better day, I woke up this morning and had music in my heart and mind and the song choice for my music club was so simple, and then to blog to them as I should, it's like God opened the well of my soul and all the "frustrating now" moments disippated, disolved, went away, and words wonderful words and thoughts started to flow out of my head and heart, and well they had to go on paper (well blog) so alot is going through my head and heart today!!!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Trish

The randomness in my head

My head is so full today and so my head feels rambled but this is how I am feeling currently…..

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways even though I am walking through some really tough mental and emotional and even physical things right now I am so blessed. For several weeks now in services at church, well even at churches that I have visited God has been speaking some things to me. I am still patiently waiting and letting Him lead me and guide me but this journey has definitely began.

I know that I will be needing lots of prayer with decisions and things to come in the future but everyday I am trusting God and letting Him lead me. I know that this battle that I am in is not going to be easy it is going to be hard but as the song by the Crabb Family says “He will take you through the fire again!” He has not left me and He never will -- He is my source….and I am trusting in Him daily, hourly, minute by minute, second by second!!!


these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

When is enough - enough?

As you can tell I have been a little silent on the blog front lately -- not because I have wanted to be but job and stress and other things have kept me from being able to write like I needed to. So this got me to thinking -- when is enough stress enough? I think I have been maxed out emotional and mentally for some time but now its seems I'm on overload. Ever been there before? I am to the point where try as I might I don't feel like I can get a cohesive thought process to form. Today is just a ramble of thoughts but it is because I truly want to know -- have you ever been to a point where you just have to say - with stress and other things and even sometimes people -- enough is really enough and I'm not dealing well with this -- so give me a minute?

Cause I think I may be there on a few things!......

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

What seems impossible....

I'm sitting in my sister's house this evening -- just hanging out with her and my nephew and niece and it's so exciting to be so close to her that I get to just come and hang out. My sister is after all my best friend so time with her and any time with my family is a great treasured thing.

I was sitting thinking about things just letting my mind wander a little and started thinking about the verse of scripture in Luke 18:27 -- it says " What is impossible with man is possible with God." I guess I thought about that cause I look at my sis and her hubby and their 2 kids and I think you know children is something I have always wanted and I've been married for 7 years now and so far that hasn't happened....but I know that it can and praying it will happen.
Then I got to thinking about an airplane ride that I have now taken 3 times....to know me is to know I have always always said that I would never fly -- and yet for 3 years in a row I have flown to Honduras to be apart of a missions team giving out toys to children in San Marcos de Colon Honduras! I have so many friends in Honduras now -- all these things seem so impossible to me -- but with God they are all possible.

I don't know why I decided to blog about it today other than to just tell someone -- if you are going through something and you don't think there is anyway that you can get out -- just remember -- what is impossible with man is possible with God! You just have to trust in Him, trust Him to do the work, and then know that it will happen.

the inner thoughts roll on...and hopefully it won't be so long until the next blog!

The countdown is on....

While others at this time of the year begin their countdown to Thanksgiving - countdown to Christmas - countdown to the New Year - at this point - I'm doing lots of count downs.

Count down to Thanksgiving -- 10 days
Count down to HONDURAS trip -- 12 days
Count down to Christmas play - 32/33 - were having it 2 nights
Count down to Christmas - 38 days
Count down to New Year - 44 days
Count down to My Neice's Birth -- about 94 days!!!!

Lots of excitement happening in my life

Can't wait until Thanksgiving to spend time with family; can't wait to get to San Marcos de Colon Honduras and spend time with dear friends. I'm all about Christmas so even last week I was playing Christmas music. Of course the New Year brings times of reflection and time to make myself change some things -- and then the thing I can't wait for is the birht of my neice in Feb. -- even her 4 year old brother is getting excited now!!! While I don't have children of my own yet - I love my nephew more than words and I know that's how I already feel about my neice - so I guess until God allows me to have children - I'll have to live my dreams through him and soon her.

Just a day of countdown thinking for me.
What are some things that you are counting down?


the inner thoughts roll on...

Blog is up!

So I decided to do it -- I decided to go for the blogger page - I have had a xanga site for some time and a myspace and on and on and on -- but I felt it was time - time to let the blogs roll a little more free...my own personal relationship with myself seems to do better when I get into the daily blog. So now I'll be able to do that more.

So welcome - to the inner thoughts of myself that are screaming to get out.

It's been one of those days for me - so as you can see - productivity - not on my short list.

The inner thoughts keep on screaming!