Frustrating now....

So everybody is always talking about how we should be living in the "now", living for today! Yes I know that's what Im supposed to be doing, but what happens when your "now" is so frustrating you'd like to escape to some place far away and have a do-over day!

I can honestly say that over the last few months of my life I have had more than my share of do-over day wishes. I know most will not agree with me on the fact that I should want that but hey your not living my life and going through what I have been and am still going through, I think that my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, understands that somedays, life is just life and it's a "frustrating now" and I want a "happy now" a "peaceful now" a "sanity now". Not to much to ask for is it? Maybe, maybe that's the key is that I'm not realistic in how I feel my life should be going. but I guess when you have to leave your church (of 13 years), lose your job (of 3 years) and have several other "big issues" happen all within 3 weeks of each other, reality is the last place you want to be, although I have been living it for 6 + months now.

I get up and I face each day with the hopes and thoughts and actions that this day is going to be a better day than yesterday, and for the most part that is generally what happens. Then there are my days where I have been for the last several weeks with writer's block so bad that I couldn't even pick out a song to send to my music club and forget blogging, I done good to be able to write my name somedays, that's just the kind of writer's block I was under in my "frustrating now".

However, today feels like a new day! It feels like a better day, I woke up this morning and had music in my heart and mind and the song choice for my music club was so simple, and then to blog to them as I should, it's like God opened the well of my soul and all the "frustrating now" moments disippated, disolved, went away, and words wonderful words and thoughts started to flow out of my head and heart, and well they had to go on paper (well blog) so alot is going through my head and heart today!!!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Trish

Waiting on me....

I hate to admit it but I think by far I’m the most indecisive person I know. It seems like on any decision that needs to be made I struggle to make it…..not that the decisions themselves are hard, but because I’m afraid of making the wrong one. I’ll just be honest here…I have absolutely no self-esteem. Don’t ask me to evaluate myself – my answers would not please you, and certainly they wouldn’t please my Savior. I know I’m made in his image – but I look through a distorted mirror. So as you can tell I struggle. Today though I was thinking about decisions that I need to make in my life and I still have so much fear and anxiety over those decisions that I just can’t make them.

I won’t indulge on those decisions that need to be made now but I’ll tell you that it doesn’t matter what decision I’m asked to make – I struggle. Something as simple as my sister asking me what restaurant I would like to eat at when we go to lunch together…I always tell her, it doesn’t matter, which a lot of times she follows with two or three choices, guess what, you guessed it, I still can’t decide then. My reasons, she’s pregnant and what if I choose a restaurant that she doesn’t really want to eat at, or what if she gets sick because she ate something that didn’t set right on her stomach.

So even on some important decisions that need to be made in my life I really struggle with knowing what to do. I know that I pray about them and trust God to help me make the right decisions but as my dad and I discussed recently, I’m God’s creation and He gave me a free will and He’s waiting on me to make the decision and then He will help and see me through it.

So why can’t I get that through my head….why can’t I make the decisions that I need to? Anyone with any advice on this…..
How is your decision making skills?

The inner thoughts keep on screaming!