Riding solo....

So in about 2 weeks I will officially been unemployed for a year! I've been riding solo on unemployment for almost a year. I honestly look at this time in my life and go how is this happening to me!!! I have been more than frustrated to say the least about everything that has happened to me over this past year. I've cried more tears than anyone can imagine. Honestly I don't think my family have realized even how many nights I have cried myself to sleep. To be honest my self esteem has been at like a negative 3o lately. I honestly can't even get an interview with anybody and what is so frustrating is because I don't know what else to do. I'm like I look at my resume and I have this huge black spot that says you've been fired and that is beyond frustrating to me especially when I feel like I've been a model employee everywhere else I worked. I used to get promoted easily with every other job and then after 3 years at being one job they decided that I wasn't good enough. Clearly it couldn't have come at a worse time considering the week before all this happened I had to resign my positions at our church of 13 years because the church decided they wanted a pastoral change and since my dad was the pastor that meant I had to be forced out to. So this year of I call it riding solo is because I've been over the top stressed with no job so that means no income and then on top of that I had to go through a church change. Honestly I might be riding solo in this stress filled time in my life but I'm not really because obivously I have a relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and He is in complete control. I trust that He sees the future and He knows what I need and everything will workout and so in the meantime I just have to ride the unemployment train solo and know that I have my families support and prayers even if I can't explain to them how I truly feel.......

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Frustrating now....

So everybody is always talking about how we should be living in the "now", living for today! Yes I know that's what Im supposed to be doing, but what happens when your "now" is so frustrating you'd like to escape to some place far away and have a do-over day!

I can honestly say that over the last few months of my life I have had more than my share of do-over day wishes. I know most will not agree with me on the fact that I should want that but hey your not living my life and going through what I have been and am still going through, I think that my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, understands that somedays, life is just life and it's a "frustrating now" and I want a "happy now" a "peaceful now" a "sanity now". Not to much to ask for is it? Maybe, maybe that's the key is that I'm not realistic in how I feel my life should be going. but I guess when you have to leave your church (of 13 years), lose your job (of 3 years) and have several other "big issues" happen all within 3 weeks of each other, reality is the last place you want to be, although I have been living it for 6 + months now.

I get up and I face each day with the hopes and thoughts and actions that this day is going to be a better day than yesterday, and for the most part that is generally what happens. Then there are my days where I have been for the last several weeks with writer's block so bad that I couldn't even pick out a song to send to my music club and forget blogging, I done good to be able to write my name somedays, that's just the kind of writer's block I was under in my "frustrating now".

However, today feels like a new day! It feels like a better day, I woke up this morning and had music in my heart and mind and the song choice for my music club was so simple, and then to blog to them as I should, it's like God opened the well of my soul and all the "frustrating now" moments disippated, disolved, went away, and words wonderful words and thoughts started to flow out of my head and heart, and well they had to go on paper (well blog) so alot is going through my head and heart today!!!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Trish

Frustrations through trials

We've all been there haven't we? Those days when we are so frustrated with things we are going through, that we start to ask a million questions. Those days when it seems have it that saying we always here "when it rains it pours" is happening to you.

Lately that's where I feel like I have been every single day. From dealing with unemployment, dealing with family issues, changing churches, and many other things that we just won't get started on that things have seemed a bit stressed for me lately. I would be lying if I said everything was just peachy, but I'm getting there.

I love God's sense of humor when it comes to times in our lives like this. I have been so stressed and frustrated and things have been overwhelming to me and in the midst of all that I decided to take a trip to my grandparents house and spend some time with them, and that's where God showed me a little reminder. I was talking to my Mommaw this morning and she had some old photo albums out that belonged to my Great Grandmother and I picked one up. When I opened this cover I found that my Great Grandmother had written down the words to the poem "footprints" (author unknown). The words seemed to jump off the page at me and once again just gave me more confirmation that even though there are frustrations going on in my life through these trials, they are just trials and they will pass and I will come out of this much better!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Struggles within.....

Struggles we all have them, we certainly all face them, but it's how we handle them that makes us all so different. Here recently I have been struggling with some things but ultimately I know that I haven't been handling it very well at all.
So when we struggle where to we go to? I know for me I run to my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I run to Him for everything. I realize that in my life I have so many struggles but no matter the struggles I am so blessed! Ultimately we have to realize that everything in life is not going to be a bed of roses! I am so thankful that no matter what I go through I realize that "I can do all things through Christ!"
Time management has been such a struggle for me here lately and I am trying to do better - so one of my challenges for myself is to make more of a schedule for myself and really work on those things that I feel I need to change in my life.
So I am a little rambly today but I have so many thoughts going through my head and I know that this struggles they will past and like a beautiful Kirk Franklin song I love says There is going to be a brighter day!
these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...