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to the inner thoughts of me (Trish)! What's in my head and in my heart -- written out.
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Monday, June 21, 2010

Sleepy take over

As I sit here and right I don't feel the least bit energized about anything. I should be so full of life life, so ready to take the world by storm. I mean isn't that how we, as Christians, are always supposed to be? I mean isn't that what we've always been told is that were not supposed to have a bad day, that were never supposed to get down or depressed or heaven forbid we might get a little discouraged. Well here's what I think -- while I'm sitting here at my desk so sleepy any minute now I know someone's going to be waking me up and I'm going to have the imprint of the keys I'm typing on in my office on my head, I'm not exactly exuding God's love or am I being very jubilant.

What I am being is a human being who at the worst of time and days like these when i'm having the sleepies take over my life, I'm being the imperfect being that God loves and gave His son to die for me. I'm that person who is in the need of a little grace, and you know if it weren't for "Grace, Grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within, grace grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all my sins" Where would we be without grace? Well without grace I will be the one that someone sees asleep or tired and yells at but with grace I'm the person that they see has been working long hard hours for over a week and while yes I probably do have other things going on like lack of iron or b12 in my system, I'm the person who could just use a nap and a break and a few things to go my way today instead of how they've been going.

Most importantly though I hope that people realize that although I'm not always overjubilant or always wearing my most perfect smile, if I have a day like today with no makeup, hair pulled back, glasses on and very tired looking eyes, that I've just be through a storm of life and God's all sufficient grace, power and mercy are sustaining me and while I may look a little weathered today, I'm going shine like gold someday real soon!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Frustrating now....

So everybody is always talking about how we should be living in the "now", living for today! Yes I know that's what Im supposed to be doing, but what happens when your "now" is so frustrating you'd like to escape to some place far away and have a do-over day!

I can honestly say that over the last few months of my life I have had more than my share of do-over day wishes. I know most will not agree with me on the fact that I should want that but hey your not living my life and going through what I have been and am still going through, I think that my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, understands that somedays, life is just life and it's a "frustrating now" and I want a "happy now" a "peaceful now" a "sanity now". Not to much to ask for is it? Maybe, maybe that's the key is that I'm not realistic in how I feel my life should be going. but I guess when you have to leave your church (of 13 years), lose your job (of 3 years) and have several other "big issues" happen all within 3 weeks of each other, reality is the last place you want to be, although I have been living it for 6 + months now.

I get up and I face each day with the hopes and thoughts and actions that this day is going to be a better day than yesterday, and for the most part that is generally what happens. Then there are my days where I have been for the last several weeks with writer's block so bad that I couldn't even pick out a song to send to my music club and forget blogging, I done good to be able to write my name somedays, that's just the kind of writer's block I was under in my "frustrating now".

However, today feels like a new day! It feels like a better day, I woke up this morning and had music in my heart and mind and the song choice for my music club was so simple, and then to blog to them as I should, it's like God opened the well of my soul and all the "frustrating now" moments disippated, disolved, went away, and words wonderful words and thoughts started to flow out of my head and heart, and well they had to go on paper (well blog) so alot is going through my head and heart today!!!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...