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to the inner thoughts of me (Trish)! What's in my head and in my heart -- written out.
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Monday, October 10, 2011

What a year!!!

WOW! Where has this year gone!  I can't believe it's October already and I haven't written on my blog since the beginning of the year.  This has definitely been a year for the books for me.  No need in going into everything that has happened but let me say I know without a doubt that without my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ guiding me I would probably be in a corner in the fetal position crying my eyes out!

Over the past few weeks in particular so many things have happened that are for lack of better word, life changing!  Those moments will forever be in my head and most of them I would love to say were good, but then that would be a lie.  I've learned over the past couple of years but especially in the last few months that life is life and how we react to the things that happen in our life determine how we will live.

Yeah that sounds so much easier typing it or saying it than actually doing it.  There are days over the past few months that I'll be honest I did well to even get out of bed.  Then there are days I felt terrific and I did alot on those days!

Today my heart is in a learning and soaking in pattern, I have "much assurance" as my uncle preached so beautifully last night at church.  There were times in his message last night that  I felt like it was just me, him and God having a conversation.   I love when God does that!  He is the Creator of the Universe, yet with all the billions of people on this planet, last night in at the East Radford Church of God in Virginia, I felt like He was talking just to me!

Isaiah 40:29 says He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.  That's my scripture right now for sure and it is also my prayer.  Do you ever feel that way?  It wouldn't suprise me to know that alot would say yes!  There are days when I feel so faint, so weak, but then I remember, in my weakness His strength is made perfect, and I would much rather walk in His strength than I would ever want to walk in mine!

My prayer today......Lord I know I'm not perfect, and I know that there are going to be days ahead when I feel faint and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.  It's in those days I know Lord that in my weakness Your strength is perfect, and I'm never alone because You are always there with me.  It's on those days I know you are increasing my strength and on those days I know that if I can't see Your footprints in the sand it's because You are carrying me!  Thank You for Your unconditional love to me!....In Jesus name! Amen....

Friday, January 7, 2011

What a time what a time

So as you can tell it has been a while since I have been here to blog! There has been so much going on in my life. Much more than I have time to explain right now but maybe one day.

Things have been so frustrating for me of late but I am trying not to let it get me down. I went to Honduras in November which was so exciting for me. I really really wish I was still there. I had such a great time. So maybe since I am getting back into the whole blogging motion again, finally I will be posting some photos and alot about my experiences there.

This past year has been stressful for me since I am currently still unemployed and looking for a job and at the same time am having to deal with some other things in my life.

I titled my blog what a time what a time because if I could place you in my head right now you would be having a time....the way I feel and the way I see myself right now is that I'm invisible but at the same time I'm so lost in my own memories and feelings that I'm on a horrible rollercoaster!

So this year I hope that I will be much more connected and real than last year. So get ready invisible or not -- I'm going to be blogging at least once a week this year!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...and this ride is getting faster

La Trish!

Friday, October 8, 2010

On a day like this....

As a kid me and my sister used to sing this little silly song and to be honest I'm not even sure where we heard it, but it went "On a day like this On a day like this On a day like this Oh....I need the Lord to help me" and after you said oh you had to do different things like clap, stomp your feet, and make different sounds and the song went on over and over like that about 5 times. It was a funny song to sing and it never failed with us that we would sing it until we got on Dad or Mom's nerves - cause we always sang it when we were in the car riding somewhere!

It's funny that I think about that song because this past week has been one of those weeks and while I haven't went around singing that song Ihave thought on some days on a day like this boy do I ever need the Lord to help me! I think I've went through tons of emotions this week but in the end I stand on God's promises knowing that no matter what comes my way that He is faitful and He will take care of me!!!

While I was thinking about that song I kept thinking on the joy we used to got out of singing that song until it annoyed someone when we were litte and even now we sing it for my neice and she thinks it's funny. The thing about that song is not that were every having a bad day - it's just a funny song that you really sing it because of the different songs and hand jestures you make. I'm convinced that my sister and I didn't even realize what we were really singing until the song was so stuck in our head that we can't get rid of it.

I think that's how we are sometimes! As a Christian sometimes we let the world get us so aggrivated that we just feel like giving up, when really what we should be doing insead of singing about how frustrated we are, we should be singing songs like "Stand Still and let God move" or "From the depths of my heart Lord I'm calling out to you" or songs like "I am not forgotten I am not forgotten He knows my name!"

So I say lets purpose for this week to overcome those things that are weighting us down!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Trish D

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Riding solo....

So in about 2 weeks I will officially been unemployed for a year! I've been riding solo on unemployment for almost a year. I honestly look at this time in my life and go how is this happening to me!!! I have been more than frustrated to say the least about everything that has happened to me over this past year. I've cried more tears than anyone can imagine. Honestly I don't think my family have realized even how many nights I have cried myself to sleep. To be honest my self esteem has been at like a negative 3o lately. I honestly can't even get an interview with anybody and what is so frustrating is because I don't know what else to do. I'm like I look at my resume and I have this huge black spot that says you've been fired and that is beyond frustrating to me especially when I feel like I've been a model employee everywhere else I worked. I used to get promoted easily with every other job and then after 3 years at being one job they decided that I wasn't good enough. Clearly it couldn't have come at a worse time considering the week before all this happened I had to resign my positions at our church of 13 years because the church decided they wanted a pastoral change and since my dad was the pastor that meant I had to be forced out to. So this year of I call it riding solo is because I've been over the top stressed with no job so that means no income and then on top of that I had to go through a church change. Honestly I might be riding solo in this stress filled time in my life but I'm not really because obivously I have a relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and He is in complete control. I trust that He sees the future and He knows what I need and everything will workout and so in the meantime I just have to ride the unemployment train solo and know that I have my families support and prayers even if I can't explain to them how I truly feel.......

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Monday, June 21, 2010

Sleepy take over

As I sit here and right I don't feel the least bit energized about anything. I should be so full of life life, so ready to take the world by storm. I mean isn't that how we, as Christians, are always supposed to be? I mean isn't that what we've always been told is that were not supposed to have a bad day, that were never supposed to get down or depressed or heaven forbid we might get a little discouraged. Well here's what I think -- while I'm sitting here at my desk so sleepy any minute now I know someone's going to be waking me up and I'm going to have the imprint of the keys I'm typing on in my office on my head, I'm not exactly exuding God's love or am I being very jubilant.

What I am being is a human being who at the worst of time and days like these when i'm having the sleepies take over my life, I'm being the imperfect being that God loves and gave His son to die for me. I'm that person who is in the need of a little grace, and you know if it weren't for "Grace, Grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within, grace grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all my sins" Where would we be without grace? Well without grace I will be the one that someone sees asleep or tired and yells at but with grace I'm the person that they see has been working long hard hours for over a week and while yes I probably do have other things going on like lack of iron or b12 in my system, I'm the person who could just use a nap and a break and a few things to go my way today instead of how they've been going.

Most importantly though I hope that people realize that although I'm not always overjubilant or always wearing my most perfect smile, if I have a day like today with no makeup, hair pulled back, glasses on and very tired looking eyes, that I've just be through a storm of life and God's all sufficient grace, power and mercy are sustaining me and while I may look a little weathered today, I'm going shine like gold someday real soon!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Frustrating now....

So everybody is always talking about how we should be living in the "now", living for today! Yes I know that's what Im supposed to be doing, but what happens when your "now" is so frustrating you'd like to escape to some place far away and have a do-over day!

I can honestly say that over the last few months of my life I have had more than my share of do-over day wishes. I know most will not agree with me on the fact that I should want that but hey your not living my life and going through what I have been and am still going through, I think that my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, understands that somedays, life is just life and it's a "frustrating now" and I want a "happy now" a "peaceful now" a "sanity now". Not to much to ask for is it? Maybe, maybe that's the key is that I'm not realistic in how I feel my life should be going. but I guess when you have to leave your church (of 13 years), lose your job (of 3 years) and have several other "big issues" happen all within 3 weeks of each other, reality is the last place you want to be, although I have been living it for 6 + months now.

I get up and I face each day with the hopes and thoughts and actions that this day is going to be a better day than yesterday, and for the most part that is generally what happens. Then there are my days where I have been for the last several weeks with writer's block so bad that I couldn't even pick out a song to send to my music club and forget blogging, I done good to be able to write my name somedays, that's just the kind of writer's block I was under in my "frustrating now".

However, today feels like a new day! It feels like a better day, I woke up this morning and had music in my heart and mind and the song choice for my music club was so simple, and then to blog to them as I should, it's like God opened the well of my soul and all the "frustrating now" moments disippated, disolved, went away, and words wonderful words and thoughts started to flow out of my head and heart, and well they had to go on paper (well blog) so alot is going through my head and heart today!!!

these are my thoughts....my inner thoughts roll on...


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Living in the bubble....

So life has been more than a little stressful for quite some time now! I don't have to go into the details, just suffice it to say that I have been unemploymed since September, among many other things. So this week I had a very great, very thankful, opportunity and it has made me realize a couple things.

This week I had the opportunity to spend time with some dear sweet friends at a place I used to call home, a place I worked at for 5 years. While being here with all of them has been wonderful and exactly what I needed, it has also reminded me that, I miss this. What do you miss? I miss working! That's right I said it, I miss working!

So many times we get caught up in what I call "living in the bubble" we get up, we get ready, we go to our jobs, we come home, we eat supper, we watch tv, we get online, we go to bed, we go to sleep, and then when the alarm goes off we get up and do it again the next day. We run in a cycle, sometimes we run behind but were still in the cycle of our little bubble. Well I guess you can say I have for the last 6 months been in the bubble of unemployment and trust me people it's never the same ole same ole! I sleep later not because I need to but because I'm bored but more than that I'm stressed and that's how my body copes with stress, I sleep! Great way to hide Trish!!

This week however, I have had to get up and be at a place on time and I can't tell you how great that felt! It has been great, and yet all the while I think of the greatness, I know that next week, the bubble I wish that would pop called unemployment, will be my fate once again, and try as I might, and interview after interview, still yet I find no "working bubble", but as a great friend of my said to me the other day, "it is good to remember that the tea kettle, although up to its neck in hot water, continues to sing. I thank God for you because you continue to sing. Canta Trish, Canta!!!" (canta in spanish means sing!) I feel like that tea kettle the water "stress" around me is there but I will keep pushing forward and praying and seeking God's direction, and while I'm not in the "working bubble" yet, I'll keep fighting til I get back in there.

...these are my thoughts....